Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
