Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
