Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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