he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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