Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
