yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
