Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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