Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
