Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His nipple licking is glorious
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