Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
