...so i touched it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
