awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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