I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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