I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
