Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
