He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
