Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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