Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
