then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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