At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
