dude i'm inner monologue high
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
