I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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