the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
