i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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