there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
