I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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