i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
