wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
