Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
