I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
