We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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