I wish I only lived at night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My life is pants optional.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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