Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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