Just mADE A PArabola og urine
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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