I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
