I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
