the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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