I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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