Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
