He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
