Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
