i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
