I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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