guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
