I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
