You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
