oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
