i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
