Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
