she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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