if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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