i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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