I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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