Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
